Twins

Dear Douglas and Arthur – A Letter From Today

Dear Douglas and Arthur,

We went to a new playgroup today. It was in a cavernous hall, and within 10 minutes was absolutely filled with toddlers, babies and adults all milling about. Not that it bothered you. There was so much to explore. But it bothered me that, as you went your separate ways, I couldn’t be with both of you.

I split my time awkwardly – while with one, I distractedly looked for the whereabouts of the other. My heart was in my mouth a few times when it took me more than a few seconds to spot you. Maybe you were in the tunnel, or needing rescuing from trampling the baby corner in your heavy shoes.

Arthur, as I knelt down by Douglas at the train table, I watched you. A few metres away, you attempted to get onto one of the ride on cars, only for a bigger child to get there before you and ride off. But you didn’t cry, you watched them and then looked for another. And then it happened again. Third time lucky, I willed you on. Yes, you got one! Happily you rode around and then I relaxed a little. I was holding my breath before that, fearful for how you felt and how you might react. I saw a slightly sad, lost look in your eyes. In that huge room, you looked so tiny and vulnerable. My maternal protectiveness kicked in. I rarely have the opportunity to watch you from afar, and I think in that moment you were so much entirely your own person and not tied to me, that I saw your vulnerability all the more.

Maybe that fear is what being a mother is?

I know I am far from perfect. But I hope you know that when I can’t physically be next to you both, I am still always looking out for you.

 

Love,

Mummy

 

Though not strictly a love letter, this post seems the perfect place to let you know about a cause close to my heart. Having had Douglas and Arthur prematurely and knowing a little about all the extra risks and challenges of having twins, I’m happy to be able to support Tamba (Twins and Multiple Births Association). They are celebrating a month of love this February to raise money for their Big Research Appeal. The appeal will fund research to help prevent prematurity and multiple birth-specific conditions, such as twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).

With amazing doctors doing vital research, we can help kiss goodbye to TTTS and prematurity. Please donate whatever you can at https://www.justgiving.com/campaigns/charity/tamba/bigresearch

 

Tampa Big Research Appeal

 

 

Mummy Times Two

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5 Comments

  • Reply
    Karen
    January 31, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Oh my goodness, I am absolutely with you. The guilt/fear, whilst being with one (but not completely) because you are nervously, from a minor distance, watching the other. It’s tough, but it’s love. X

  • Reply
    Cat
    February 2, 2017 at 9:33 am

    Same here as you and Karen. There’s 21 months between my two and if we’re at any form of soft play I turn into one of those ‘helicopter Mums’. I hate the term and I hate the idea of the constant panic and frantic searches – but I can’t help myself. Though I’d rather be at that end of the scale than the mums who are paying no attention at all, no idea how they do it.
    A lovely letter to your boys . Your photography is beautiful too xx

    • Reply
      twolittlemisters
      February 2, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      Thank you Cat! That is quite a small age gap isn’t it, I imagine that’s tricky to manage at times? I think I’m probably somewhere in the middle, if there are people I know I try to have a catch-up whilst running in between the kids!

  • Reply
    Jess
    February 2, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    This is definitely one of the toughest things for me as a twin mama! I think it’s often accentuated when we are out at things like this where most, if not all, other moms have singletons and can give their full attention the whole time. Even though it is hard, this was a beautiful message for your boys xo

  • Reply
    Mummy Times Two
    February 5, 2017 at 10:15 am

    I think without doubt this is one of the most difficult things about having children. There are almost nine years between my two and I still feel this pull between the two of them. That if I am spending time with one, the other is left. It must be even more tricky if you’re children are the same age. Thank you so much for linking this post up at #PostsFromTheHeart I’m sure lots of parents will relate to it.

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