It’s hard to writing about losing your spark when you’ve lost your spark. But here I go anyway.
I thought the early newborn days with the boys were hard. But these past couple of weeks have really tested me. And I don’t really like what they’ve done to me. I’m always asked ‘does it get easier?’ And so far I can’t say that it does, only that the challenges change. I don’t like to admit that I’ve not felt very happy, and I certainly don’t like to admit when things are a struggle. But parenthood isn’t all rainbows and roses, is it?
I feel I do the best I can but it seems I’ve hit a bit of a wall. I’ve gone from relishing opportunities to pushing them away. I’ve retreated into my shell because it’s easier not to make the effort to be sociable. My naturally cheerful voice around the boys has become forced. Sounds awful, I know.
I have wanted to blog but my motivation seems to have faded. Nothing is sparking my imagination, and that’s sad for me.
We have had a run of terribly unsettled nights. I feel run down and not physically at my best. But I don’t think I can blame lack of sleep entirely. Part of my mood is down to me and the thought patterns I have chosen, so I really need to break the cycle.
So readers, help me out – what do you do when you’ve lost your spark?