For my boys.
As summer shifted to autumn, I found myself reflecting on the season which has – this year – changed everything. My mind, my thoughts, my outlook on life – they will never be the same. Neither will my heart. It has expanded, pushing out old beliefs to accommodate the love I feel for you, and the pride and heightening acceptance I feel for myself.
This afternoon, the rain is beating down on the windows and we three are all cosy inside. You are napping side by side as I write.
I can’t tell you much about what the weather was like when you were born. For one, it was the very middle of the night. But when we all left the hospital together 12 days later, we stepped out on the cusp of a summer’s evening. And that was the real start of summertime for me. Bringing you home at last. From then on my memories of summer are almost all accompanied by pure, warm sunshine. We spent afternoons outside in dappled shade. We took you to visit gardens and soaked up all the admiring glances and compliments we had daydreamed we would receive as new parents.
A couple of times the heavy, humid days gave way to thunderous nights. I peered out of the windows and the entire horizon lit up, lightning zig-zagging across it. I felt the wonderful calmness of watching you both cocooned in sleep, oblivious to the storms outside.
D – You are my wide-eyed wonder, my snuggle and my hand holder. How much you have grown and changed, from the curled up, tiny newborn you were. We did wonder if you would ever straighten your legs!
I adore your piglet-like snuffles and kissable pillows-for-cheeks. Some people take you as the more shy baby, but in fact your confidence is growing, and I love to see you smile, even for strangers. How you surprised me when you rolled over the other day. (I expect it was a surprise to you too, and I’m not sure it will be repeated for a while, but I wait eagerly to see it again).
A – You are a strong, determined, little boy. You are so keen to hold your head up by yourself. I’ve a feeling once you get moving I will having trouble keeping up with you.
I love noticing new things about you, like the fact that you have one eyelash longer than the rest, right in the middle of the row. And I love the contented, breathy little sighs you make in your sleep.
You are really making yourself known by starting to babble and explore your voice. There’s a certain look I give you that makes your face erupt into the biggest of grins and a sparkle in your deep blue eyes. Aren’t I lucky?
So boys, this is how we depart from summer – just think of all the new experiences to come. Keep on learning, keep on amazing me every day and let’s see where autumn takes us.